On The Upswing

Well, Jadyn is getting better. She gained 3 ounces since Monday which the doctor said is good. I've had to supplement some and I'm pumping to up my output. We'll see how it goes.

Failure To Thrive

It's amazing how 3 words can either send your heart soaring to the clouds or plunging into an abyss. Let me explain:

At Jadyn's 2-week check-up yesterday, it was discovered that she has actually lost weight. I thought I'd been feeding her often enough and long enough, but apparently that's not the case. My heart broke when I saw the "diagnosis" on the sheet I was given: Failure To Thrive. When I saw this, I felt like it really meant "Bad Mother". I have been instructed to feed her every 2 hours for at least 30 minutes total. Yes, that means I will become an upright milk cow. Thankfully, during the night it will be every 4 hours, so I can catch a hint of sleep. On Friday we'll go back and see how she's doing. Please pray she picks up weight, because I am really stressed out by this.

Shouldn't They Have Checked Us Out First?

The other day Paul made a really interesting comment to my parents. He said something like, "You know, if you want to adopt a child, there are all these tests and checks that you have to go through to confirm that you'll be a fit parent. But if you have a baby of your own, they just let you walk out of the hospital with her!"

I had to think about that. You know, it really is crazy. How come the physical ability to bear a child negates the need to check for fit parenthood? Just cause my "plumbing" functioned, that doesn't mean I'll be the kind of mother I should. Shouldn't they have stopped us at the door of the hospital and checked our mental and emotional stability BEFORE the checked to see if we had a proper car seat?

I have friends who have adopted, either domestically or internationally, and it is amazing how much paperwork they had to go through just to be approved for consideration. We even went down that road ourselves for a little while, and it was amazing how much there was to do. But then we got pregnant, and no one asked us to do a home study or fill out a survey about our relationship or anything. No one checked to make sure I was eating properly or taking my vitamins or keeping my doctor appointments. They didn't call to confirm that we'd gone through childbirth classes or read up on all the latest parenting wisdom. Then she was born, and after just a few days in the hospital, they said, "Yep, she looks good, here ya go!" And off we went. Oh my gosh, how did they know we aren't stark raving lunatics? (I mean, ALL the time.)

To all my friends who've adopted, kudos to you for going through the red tape to become parents. I have no idea why there's this strange assumption that working biology equals the right to be a parent, but if you've had to run the bureaucratic gauntlet to bring home your own child, hats off to you!

Hooray for Post-Partum Weight Loss!

Today at my doctor appointment I was actually excited to get on the scales. I have heard the legendary tails of post-partum weight loss, especially in "women of size", and I definitely count myself as one of those. To my delight, I stepped on the scale, having set the "big number" setting where it normally goes, and CLUNK went the scale. I had to back it up!!! As it turns out, I am down 33 pounds from my delivery weight and 29 pounds from my pre-pregnancy weight. Then there's the likelihood that I'll lose more as I nurse. WOO-HOO! If anyone had told me that getting pregnant would be this good a diet, I'd have never believed them. Imagine the reaction of folks who haven't seen me in a while and ask what I did to lose the weight, and I just say, "I had a baby!" Typically the scale goes in the other direction, doesn't it??

Internet Baby

See, doesn't it just figure that a woman who met her hubby online would also do a blog for her newborn daughter? Welcome to the true technological age. Anyway, please take a moment to stop by Jadyn's Journey and see the journey unfold! Comments are more than welcome. And when I ask for advice, PLEASE give it, because I'm new at this and there are SO many things I haven't figured out yet.

If it weren't for my parents....

I would truly be lost. They have been a literal God-send during this time. They arrived the day before I went into the hospital, so they were able to care for our pets, get our mail and watch our home while we were away. Because we are still finishing up the move, they've been working their tails off bringing over loads of boxes that we never got around to transporting. Mom has been handling meals and shopping while Dad has done odd jobs at our house and our rental home. I must remember to keep this in mind: no matter how ridiculous I think my childhood was with regard to some issues, I will never be able to repay my parents for all they have done for us just in the past week.

Details, details

I forgot to mention the stuff everyone tends to ask: Jadyn was 6 lb 14 oz and 20 inches long. All fingers, toes, bits and pieces accounted for.

Oh yeah, and sleep? Well, I already forget what 8 hours in a row feels like.

1+1=3

Well, our little duo has become a threesome. Jadyn Liana was born Saturday, 9/10/05 at 8:17 AM.

You know, I type that sentence with such ease, but truthfully, it was NOT an easy process. My water broke Friday night, so off to the hospital we went (after my dear hubby finished an hour's worth of work). Upon arrival, when my doctor found I was not contracting on my own, he hooked me up to pitocin, the devil's drug. On and on the contractions came, but no dilation. So after he kept upping the dosage, I got some stadol to help deal with the pain. Still no dilation. Up went the pitocin. I gave up and got the epidural, which wasn't as bad as I thought. The worst part was having to stay still during the contractions so he could put the thing in. I was literally shaking from the pain. That was around 2:30 AM, and I was only dilated 2 cm. Around 4:30 I had dilated no further, and we decided that it looked like a c-section. The baby was pretty much stuck on some little bones in my pelvis. We made the final decision about 6 AM and at 8 AM I was wheeled into the operating room. She was born and pretty much wisked away for her check-up. Thankfully I got to catch a fleeting glimpse of her and hear the pediatrician say she looked good (over the sounds of her crying).

Anyway, I'm recovering from a delivery that pretty much went completely the opposite of everything I wanted, but in the end, I still have a beautiful baby. Now I see how utterly ridiculous it was of me to bother with a birth plan. Next time, my birth plan will be one word only: c-section.

Oh, here's a picture of my angel child:

Ticking Timebomb

Now that my parents are here and have helped us with the unpacking, I'm beginning to feel like a ticking timebomb, with folks just waiting for me to go off. Every time I wince in pain, everyone jumps, even though it's from a sore hip or something non-uterus related. I keep getting phone calls along the lines of "You're not at the hospital?" to which I want to respond, "I'm talking to you, aren't I? You called me at home, didn't you?" I'm telling ya, I really hope this happens sooner rather than later now. You know what they say about a watched pot never boiling? I wonder if that's true of a pregnant woman too.

Much Relief

Ahhhh. I have a lot to relax about. First, Mom and Dad will be coming down tomorrow - it was originally thought they wouldn't be able to because of the gas crunch, but things are getting better so they are on their way. The good thing about this is that they can help me unpack and will be here to take care of the pets while we're in the hospital.

Then there's the sheer miracle that we got all our furniture in our house. The movers came today, and while there were a few things that were damaged, all in all, it's not too bad. I keep reminding myself that at least I'm not stuck in the Astrodome with no hope of finding a home any time soon. Things could truly be FAR worse.

And finally, I think that I'm pretty much ready to have this baby. I mean, I'm sure there are thousands of ways I'm NOT ready, but for all practical purposes, I have everything done that really NEEDS to be done before she gets here.

It really is all going to be ok.

The "Wonder" of It All

As motherhood approaches more quickly than I care to accept, I find myself wondering many things, in no particular order. I wonder....

• if I'm going to go into labor any second now.
• if I'll be able to get through labor and delivery without swearing like a sailor.
• if I am going to rip stem to stern and need to sit on a pillow for the next month.
• how my sweet hubby Paul is going to handle seeing me in the throes of labor.
• if my parents will arrive (yes, thank God, they're coming on Thursday) in time.
• how my sweet pets (3 cats & a dog) are going to handle the big homecoming.
• what on earth this baby will look like.
• how much she is going to weigh, and exactly what is that going to do to me.
• if I'm ever going to sleep again.
• how I'll emotionally respond to someone being so completely dependent on me for EVERYTHING.
• what kinds of grandparents my parents are going to be.
• if this baby is going to like me.
• what kind of personality she'll have.
• how on earth I'll deal with working after having a baby - even though I'm blessed to work only part-time and mostly from home.
• if I'll be able to breastfeed.
• if I have all the gear I'm really going to need to make this work.
• if I have the emotional maturity and stability I'm going to need to make this work.
• how this is going to change my relationship with Paul.
• if I'll ever want sex again.
• if I'll want any other children after going through this.
• how many diapers I'll go through in a day, and if I have enough in stock for the first month or two.
• if this is going to change my relationship with my friends.
• if ANYTHING is ever going to seem the same.
• if I'm going to be even the least little bit sorry I've been praying for a baby for 4 1/2 years.

I know, pretty blatant and honest, huh? Well, if you can't be honest with your blog-reading friends, who CAN you be honest with?

One Week & Counting

Well, my due date is officially one week away. I'm beginning to be flooded with the normal questions: "Are you ready?" "I bet you can't wait, right?" "How are you feeling?" "What does the doctor say?" And my favorite: "You still haven't had that baby?" I have so far been able to swallow the instinctual smart-a$$ responses and give sweeter, more southern-acceptable answers instead. The truthful answers are:

1. No, I'm not really ready. We still have one more big phase of this move that will not happen until Wednesday. That's when the professional movers come and get all the stuff we couldn't get ourselves or with the help of friends. (By the way, a huge THANK YOU to all who have helped us during this crazy time!) In all the absolutely necessary ways I suppose I am ready, but there's lots I feel I won't get to in time. This leads me to the answer to the next question....
2. Yes, I can wait. Honestly, as the reality of motherhood approaches at what seems to be light speed, I'm scared to death of labor & delivery, and how radically this is going to change me and my life. I don't think I'd mind if this baby came a full week late.
3. I'm feeling excited, scared, thankful, anxious, awkward, happy and tense. These varying emotions run through me at a rate of about one per second. Physically I'm feeling like there's someone inside me who wants to get out. She's running out of room in there, after all, and growing by the day.
4. The doctor says (or at least said, at my last appointment) that I'm not dilated and he'll "let me go" another week. Of course, I won't even be at my due date for another week, and I am giving no indications that I'll need to be induced before then. He also says everything is fine.
5. Take a good look at me. Do I have a newborn in my arms? Is my belly still protruding rather roundly? Am I still waddling? What do YOU think?!

At least on a blog I can be sarcastic without offending the well-intentioned folks who just want to show they care and are mostly reduced to the trite questions everyone asks at this stage of pregnancy.

All Things Considered.

...things are good. I mean, we had no damage, I'm not in labor yet, and the move is progressing as well as can be expected. So what if gas is hard to find! So what if our cable will now not be installed until TUESDAY, leaving me with just 2 aerial tv stations and slow dial-up internet! At least I'm not like one woman I saw on the news, who is 9 months pregnant, having pains, and is stuck on an interstate bridge, camping out with a bunch of other refugees. Like I said, all things considered, things are good!