Monday, October 31, 2005

Baby Talk

To my all my friends:

I really am trying to find other things to talk about besides my baby. Honest. Please inform me of other possible topics of conversation, and I promise I'll try to talk about them without somehow involving Jadyn. Yes, I know that is unlikely, as I have the ability to somehow involve her in a conversation about such random topics as the Supreme Court nomination and the bombings in India. But I'm working on it. Honest.

Have I mentioned how cute she is? How I hope she's one day smart enough to be on the bench of the Supreme Court? How I sincerely hope she's never involved in a terrorist bombing?

See, I did it again!

Monday, October 24, 2005

Sobering News

Hearing news of death is never easy. It's a serious subject that is bound to darken the mood of just about anyone. But when death takes someone unexpectedly, it's even worse. I mourn the passing of my friend Rina. We met in college and I believe I was the one who introduced her to her husband Dave. She had 3 children under the age of 5, the youngest only 4 months. She collapsed suddenly from an undiagnosed heart problem that we now know was somehow related to her post-partum status. 5 days later, after being in a coma since her collapse, she moved to Heaven. She was a jewel of a person - calling to check on me several times during my pregnancy and after Jadyn was born. She was warm, caring, fun and friendly, and she will be missed.

Times like these make me think about the actual brevity of life. As the Bible says, it really is like a breath, then it's gone. Sometimes those breaths are too short. I am reminded to count each day as precious, and to take nothing for granted.

God, please hug Rina for me, and tell her I miss her.

Friday, October 21, 2005

How would I type out that sound?

You know, that sound you make when you run your finger back and forth over your lips while humming? The one you make when you indicate that you're feeling a little out of touch with reality? Well, that's pretty much the sounds I'd be making if I had the energy to do so.

Baby Growth Spurt = Scant Sleep for Mommy.

Thursday, October 20, 2005

Feeling Protective

Don't you hate it when you're not in a position to stand up for your loved ones when people treat them like crap?

Friday, October 14, 2005

Ok, It's Official!

I really am a mother. I mean, I know that when they pulled my baby out of the big gash they cut into my abdomen, I actually became a mother. But the "feeling" of being a mother is taking a while to kick in. I think this week it has finally happened.

First, I went to MOPS (Mothers Of PreSchoolers) for the first time this week. It's held at my church in the next town and there are lots of folks I know, but introducing myself to strangers as "mother of Jadyn" was really sort of bizarre. Don't get me wrong, I LOVED how folks ooohed and aaahed over her, remarking at how beautiful she is. (As if I hadn't noticed.) But relating birthing and breastfeeding stories has up until now been so very foreign to me. During the 4 1/2 years we TRIED to get pregnant, I was relegated to such conversation topics simply because almost all my friends had kids, and children were 90% of the time the subject of choice. Now I've joined the ranks, earned my childbirth and breastfeeding merit badges and been welcomed as a full participant in the club.

So my new and old friends asked about my birth experience, how breastfeeding is going, how I'm handling the transition, etc. Somewhere in the middle of it all, I began to grasp how very real this all is. I'm not just babysitting on a long-term basis. No one is coming to pick Jadyn up and thank me for watching her. This is it - I'm her Mommy!

Then today, because it was a lovely sunny day with a mild temperature, Jadyn and I went to the local park. No special reason, except for the feeling I was getting that if I sat on that couch in front of that TV one more minute I would become zombified beyond recognition. So on to the park we went. There were 2 other mommies there at the playground with their kids, so I chose a bench on the other side, parked Jadyn and just watched the kids play. It was lovely to just be in the sunshine for a while.

After some time one of the little girls (Rose, an adorable blond 2 year old who apparently never met a stranger) came up to me and showed me all the cool things she was finding on the ground. You know, the usual treasures: part of a broken pen, a leaf, a dirty string, a used pink straw, etc. Eventually her mommy came up to check out what she was doing, and we struck up a conversation. She invited me to the local MOPS group that meets in this town, which is great because 1) it meets about 10 minutes away whereas the other group is 25 minutes away, 2) it's made up of local people so I'll get to make new friends who actually live close by, and 3) it meets on opposite weeks as the other group so I'll be able to go to both.

Anyway, I met Janet and her friend Beth at the park, and there we were, the 3 of us MOMMIES, talking about our kids and the joys and trials of motherhood. Again it hit me. Oh my gosh, this is my new life! I've become one of them! And you know what? Now I am beginning to understand why most of my mommy friends never talked about much besides their kids. Who has time for anything else?

Anyway, that was my profound experience of the week.

Thursday, October 13, 2005

Someone Should Warn Her

It struck me today, as I held my beautiful daughter in my arms, that she has what seems to be an unwavering trust in me. It's like she knows that I will do anything and everything in my power to ensure her safety and health. As she drifted off to sleep, letting her body go limp against mine, the reality of her unconscious faith in my love for her stunned me. Doesn't she know I have no idea what I'm doing? That fear of making mistakes threatens to paralyze me into non-action? That her confidence in my parental abilities may very well be misplaced?

Actually, as long as I change her bottom when it's wet or dirty and stick my boob in her face every few hours, she's pretty happy. I guess at this point, that's all she needs to know.

Monday, October 10, 2005

No, it's not PPD!

I swear, there is something about my OB's office that makes me cry. The past 3 times I've gone in there, I've burst into tears for no real reason. Thankfully my doctor doesn't think it's post-partum depression, but just normal hormones. It's so odd. I wonder if it's because I had such a good experience with my doctor and I don't like the thought of not seeing him every week or two anymore. Is that odd or what?

Friday, October 07, 2005

Another Candle on His Cake

Happy Birthday to my darling husband PAUL!!!!!
38 years ago my sweet honey was born, and the world became a a better place.
Have a great one, Mr. Bear!!!

Monday, October 03, 2005

Oh, NOW I Get It!

When I was a kid, I was amazed at how it seemed that my mom never sat down. Except for her morning Bible reading, she was always up doing something. It became a joke in our house that my mom never saw an entire movie we rented because she was always leaving the room to take care of something.

Now I've only been a mom for a little over 3 weeks, but already I'm beginning to understand. I have to catch my moments of productivity in bits and pieces when they pop up. A quick load of laundry during nap time, hurredly unloading the dishwasher while Paul does a diaper change, a fast swish of toilet cleaning after a 10-second potty break. This, apparently, is the life of a mother. It's beautiful, magical, draining, and requiring the utmost in organization and discipline. And I'm loving it.

Thanks, Mom, for all those times you missed the movie.

Getting Bigger

Thankfully Jadyn has surpassed her birth weight - she is now 7 pounds even and we don't have to go back to the doctor till her 2 month check-up. Hallelujah! Thanks for praying, and keep it up! This nursing thing is getting easier but we're not out of the woods yet!