Saturday, August 23, 2008

Round and round

Secondary infertility is usually defined as the inability to conceive or carry a pregnancy to term after successfully and naturally conceiving one or more children. It sounds pretty cut and dried - straight-forward and easy to understand. It's much more complicated when you're living through it.

When you go through infertility without having had any successful pregnancies, you begin to have all sorts of questions:

  • What if I'm not meant to be a parent?
  • Am I being punished for the sins of my youth?
  • How far am I willing to go to have a child?
  • What will my future be like without a child?
But when you go through secondary infertility, there are different questions:
  • Is it wrong for me to want another baby when I already have been blessed with a healthy, happy child?
  • How do I answer the ubiquitous question, "When are you having another?"
  • Can I really be happy with just one?
  • If I never have another, how do I keep from spoiling the one I have?
  • Why can't I just be content?
  • What worked last time that isn't working this time?
After 2 years and 2 miscarriages, I'm getting tired. And I'm getting old. Please, God.

Saturday, August 16, 2008

Don't go there!

It still hurts, but I still go. And I am fast approaching the point where it will either stop hurting or I will stop going.

I know, I'm cryptic. But that's where I'm at.

Sunday, August 10, 2008


I remember being a kid and thinking 37 was old.


Sunday, August 03, 2008


Ok, so I understand that not everyone will like me.

And I understand that people may think badly of me, regardless of what I do.

And I even understand that people will talk about me behind my back.

What I don't understand is how I can get to the point where I truly don't care about any of those facts.

So my big question is this: Is there ANYONE who really doesn't care about any of that? And if there is, HOW did they finally reach such Nirvana?!

Friday, August 01, 2008


You know what I don't get?

Pretty much everything.

What a day.