Maybe Tomorrow...

What is the mystique of New Year's Day? Why do we mark this as the time we will finally be more healthy, giving, loving, spiritual, whatever? If tomorrow we will essentially be the same biologically, financially, intellectually, etc, why do we put so much attention on one specific day that is nothing more than the turning of a calendar page?

One word. Hope.

We hope that we can change. We hope that things will get better. We hope for the life we have not yet encountered.

I enter this year full of hope on so many fronts. Yes, I want to see change in the normal, almost cliched areas. I want to lose weight and get healthy. Finally get a better grip on the budget instead of it gripping us. Be more loving to my family. Have more regular "quiet time" with God.

But there are also some specific things I am praying for this year. I want to not just get pregnant but STAY pregnant long enough to deliver a healthy baby. I want to find more ways to answer God's call on my life to minister through creativity. I want to encounter God more and let others encounter Him through me.

He is the only way we made it through 2008. And it's to Him I look with hope for the coming year.

2008 Rewind (AKA Why I'm Glad It's Almost Over)

It's been kind of a rough year for Chez Crazy. God has been faithful and I'm sure it's all been "for my good" (a la Romans 8:28), but in many ways I'm glad to be saying goodbye to this year. Let's recap:

January

• Got the news that I was being laid-off from my dream job as part-time administrative/creative director for my church. Budget cuts, not merit related, but painful and stressful all the same.
• Found out I was pregnant. This was stressful due to my lack of employment, but after years of trying to conceive (and having already endured a miscarriage 3 months earlier) it was joyful.

February

• Had a miscarriage. Yeah, that sucked. I didn't talk to God for a while.
• Looked for a job.

March

• Looked for a job.
• Had several interviews. Was deemed the 2nd choice for 2 positions. (Yeah, first loser.)
• Put together a multimedia presentation for Easter to the song "Coming Back to Life" by Pink Floyd. (I still love my church.)
  

April

• Was called back on both 2nd choice positions within 24 hours. The lower-paying community college position (temp to hire) was a more definite hire than the other soft drink industry position that paid $10K more a year. Took the college job.

May

• Liked the job ok. Missed my dream job a LOT.
• Put Jadyn in full-time daycare. Thankful she adjusted, sad that she had to.
  

June

• Took a trip with the family to see relatives and old friends. Viciously fought the impulse to stay in PA and tell life in Mississippi to take a flying leap.

July

• Was brought onto the college payroll permanently. Hello, benefits.

August

• Stressed about money.
  
• Turned 37 years old. Really missed my dream job.

September

• Stressed about money.
• Life was interrupted by husband's severe cellulitus.
• Witnessed true community as church family supported us during the illness.
  
• Celebrated Jadyn's 3rd birthday.

October

• Had strep throat. The ability to swallow is far too under-appreciated.
  
• Prayed hard for friends in a very difficult situation.
• Stressed about money.
• Applied for better paying jobs.

November

• Stressed about work.
  
• Had an interview for a university job paying significantly more.
• Had a second interview for said job.
• Wrote a Christmas skit for church.
  

December

• Was 2nd choice for university job.
• Decided to trust God more about money.
• Saw God provide.
• Got involved in planning for a new church outreach.
  
• Performed Christmas skit at church.
  
• Dealt with a recurrence of cellulitis over Christmas.
• Spent time enjoying my daughter.
  

Coming up next, what I'm looking forward to about 2009. Stay tuned.

A Change Will Do You Good

Christmas is done. Tomorrow I'll box up all the Christmas stuff while Jadyn is at preschool. This act is usually one of the most depressing tasks of the season for me.

But not this year.

I'm excited. I'm ready. Ready for this year to be over. Ready to move on.

There's change in the wind. I can feel it. I can smell it.

I don't know what it is. But something is going to change. Something big. Something good.

And I'm so ready.

Christmas Passed

Normally by this time of year I am just about to jump out of my skin with excitement. I have always adored Christmas in a way that often bewilders and even bothers my darling spouse. I start listening to carols and working on gift lists by the time the Thanksgiving leftovers are gone.

This year something isn't quite there for me. Maybe it's because for the first time since becoming a mother, I'm working full time. I don't feel like I can give enough focus to the holiday. Maybe it's because in spite of my working full time, we are feeling the crunch of ends not meeting the way they should. Maybe it's because this has simply been a difficult year in lots of ways for me and I'm worn out.

But I think it's something else.

Something in me has fast-forwarded. Mentally I feel like it's going to slip by so fast that I've almost counted it as over already. Instead of savoring every minute, I mourn it's passing. I know that soon it will be finished - the gifts open, the carols gone, the food eaten, the pictures uploaded. Then will begin the long slow towards Spring. Because I dread the time when Christmas is over, I can't enjoy it's happening.

I've got to stop, look around, take a breath, find the beauty in the now. This Christmas will only happen once. I don't want to miss it.

Creative Inspiration

What is it that sparks creativity? What brings inspiration? If there is really nothing "new" under the sun, where do we get the idea that there is original thought?

I love being given the opportunity stretch my creative muscles. I have several projects bouncing around in my head, and it's refreshing. I feel like I'm coming back to life. Aaaahhhh.

Unavoidable

Even the fictional character in the book I'm reading is pregnant. Seriously, enough.

I love my friends, I promise I do. But if you're about to announce your pregnancy, please oh PLEASE do not be offended if I stay quiet for a while. It's me, not you. Really.