This weekend a group of families from our church is going camping together at a local campground. I, in a possible moment of insanity, decided this was something we should do. We bought a tent and other necessary outdoorsy items. I packed them all up and loaded up the van.
Now, let me say at this point that the last time I was tent camping I was a teenager and my parents were the "in-charge, responsible" people. They knew what to do and they did it. That was 20 years ago and now I'm the parent. I'm the one who's supposed to know what to do and how to do it. I'm supposed to be in charge and responsible. How exactly did this happen!?!?
Anyway, this morning we (meaning Jadyn and I) headed off to the campsite to set up. Since it's local we could do it during the day and then come home and wait for Paul to get home from work. I knew setting up would be a challenge and I didn't want to have to do it in the dark.
If it weren't for the help of some sweet friends, I'd still be there trying to figure out how to put rod A into hole B. No, it wasn't really that difficult. After all, this is a brand new tent, not the kind from my parents' age of antiquities. But Jadyn wanted all sorts of attention (crazy, isn't it?) so some folks helped distract her while others put the tent up in lightening speed while I pulled out the rest of the gear and tried to get organized.
The others left, and suddenly I was on my own with a tired, hungry 13 month old at a partially assembled camp site. And as I managed the chaos, I realized I was actually managing the chaos! Jadyn was fussy but not a screaming banchee. I handled it! I was sort of stunned by my apparently latent ability to "be the mom". I fed Jadyn, we left the campsite in a state of relative order, and we got home for Jadyn's nap.
Maybe it sounds silly that I'm proud of myself for accomplishing something so minimal. But parenthood has shaken out of lot of the self-confidence I used to have. I'm fighting to get it back. And it looks like I'm winning.