Disappointment

It took some time away to decide to let God back into my heart, to trust him in spite of the fact that I have absolutely no idea why he would do this. For all I know he may even do this again. But because I know what is true about him regardless of my current feelings, I choose to believe in spite of my disappointment with God.

Over Too Soon

Dear Baby,

We found out today that you are no longer with us. We can't tell you how sad we are that we aren't going to get to experience you growing and coming into the world and becoming part of our family. We know that Jesus has other plans in mind for you, and that your brief time among us will somehow bring glory to God if we let it. We all love you so much and we look forward to one day seeing you when we all get to Heaven. Until that time, we know God will take good care of you.

Love,
Mommy, Daddy and Jadyn

Rocky Mountain High

Wow. This trip to Colorado was amazing. I am so grateful that I got to experience all God had for me this weekend, and that my friend Kim was there to share it. I didn't go into the retreat expecting God to do anything specific, but I knew He would show up, and boy, did he ever!

Here are a few pics. I kept wishing I'd had our "good" camera with me!

The peak behind our cabin.

On Friday after a prayer time, God gave us a rainbow. Out of nowhere. No rain or anything.


A reminder of what fall is supposed to look like. I miss real fall. It doesn't happen here in Mississippi.

Sunrise over the Rockies.

"Official"

I went to the doctor's office yesterday for another ultrasound. We hoped to be able to see fetal circulation and thereby determine a more firm due date. Hooray! Our official date is May 26th.

Please pray for us during this time. For some reason I'm more scared this time than I was with Jadyn about possible problems. Maybe it's my age, I don't know. I'm nervous, but I also know that God is totally in control and planned all along for this pregnancy to happen. And I'm so thankful!

Anticipation

I am so excited! My friend Kim and I are going to a women's retreat in Colorado this week, and I'm counting down the hours till we get on the plane. She is picking me up at 3 AM on Thursday to catch a 6:10 AM flight from Birmingham. UGH! Maybe I will just stay up. I'm sure I'll be too wired to sleep. Then again, I've been so exhausted lately, maybe I'll go to bed at 7 PM. Who knows.

The event, called Captivating Women's Retreat, is put on by the Ransomed Heart ministry. It takes place on the side of a mountain that is 14,000 feet tall. I had to check with the doctor to see if going to a high elevation in my "condition" is ok. He said I could go, but no high ropes course or giant swing for me.

Friends who have gone on this retreat before say that all hell tends to break loose right before the event - so much so that it may seem a better idea to stay home when the time comes. And BOY has that ever been the case in our life! The day after I found out I'm pregnant, I wrecked our minivan. We're still trying to get a replacement vehicle before the clock runs out on our insurance-paid-for rental car. Then Paul got sick last night and is at the doctor right now. Stress, stress, stress. But we recognize it for what it is. It's a ploy to distract me and tempt me to stay home. So I say, "No way!"

I'm really looking forward to this event. Sure, it will be great to completely "unplug" for a while - no phones or internet for 4 days. But the prospect of a true "mountaintop" experience with God is just so appealing right now. And getting to share it with my dear friend Kim makes it even better.

I am still concerned about the high altitude. I was worried about that before we found out about the pregnancy. I'm not in the best shape as it is. I get winded far too easily here at sea level. How am I going to handle the difference in oxygen levels? And now I'm breathing for two. The doctor said to make sure I'm well hydrated because that helps prevent altitude sickness. So great - I'll be peeing even more than I already do. But if it keeps me and Teeny ok, I'll live in the bathroom. I hope the sessions are piped in on the loudspeaker.