Utterings

Jadyn, not quite 2 1/2 years old, has entered the "why" phase. It's only just started; she's only asked a few times so far. But I'm already worried - not about her, mind you, but about myself.

Today I actually uttered one of those generational phrases that every new mother insists they will never use.

Me: Jadyn, get down from there.

Jadyn: Why?

Me (as an autonomic response): Because I said so.

Even though I immediately apologized to her and gave her a valid reason, it was too late. It was done. It was official.

I'm a mommy cliche.

Just You Wait

One of these days I'm going to write a play about being a Yankee girl living in the heart of Dixie. Heck, I bet it would be a great Lifetime movie!

This Christmas

Wishing you...

...the deepest of joys.
...the highest of hopes.
...the widest of smiles.

May your Christmas include all of these. Blessings from our home to yours.

Santa Baby

What on earth are we gonna tell Jadyn about Santa? I keep going over this in my head and in conversations with some of my friends. Long before I was a mother, a friend and I were discussing the concept. She said that if you tell your kids about Santa, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy and Jesus, what happens when they figure out the truth about the first three? Will they then question the reality of Jesus as well? So at that point I decided that when had kids, I would tell them about the real man (St. Nicolas) and how he evolved into the idea of Santa. But the whole deal of putting out cookies and reindeer food? Behaving so Santa would not leave coal in the stockings? Nah.

But, as with so many "ideals" that change once the reality of parenthood hits, I'm rethinking my position on this. Today my favorite blogger, DaMomma, posted about this very concept. I know that by this time next year, when Jadyn will be 3, we'll have to really have this figured out. But so far, we just let Jadyn recognize Santa as a character, much as she recognizes Dora or Barney.

Open to input, folks. Please comment.

And Now I'm Back...to Cyber Space!

Thanks for hanging in there with me. It's been a month since I posted on here - sorry about that. But I have been posting on Jadyn's blog all month in honor of National Blog Posting Month. (NaBloPoMo) So head on over there (if you haven't already) and check out the cuteness so overwhelming that you feel like you've been smothered in puppies.

Disappointment

It took some time away to decide to let God back into my heart, to trust him in spite of the fact that I have absolutely no idea why he would do this. For all I know he may even do this again. But because I know what is true about him regardless of my current feelings, I choose to believe in spite of my disappointment with God.

Over Too Soon

Dear Baby,

We found out today that you are no longer with us. We can't tell you how sad we are that we aren't going to get to experience you growing and coming into the world and becoming part of our family. We know that Jesus has other plans in mind for you, and that your brief time among us will somehow bring glory to God if we let it. We all love you so much and we look forward to one day seeing you when we all get to Heaven. Until that time, we know God will take good care of you.

Love,
Mommy, Daddy and Jadyn

Rocky Mountain High

Wow. This trip to Colorado was amazing. I am so grateful that I got to experience all God had for me this weekend, and that my friend Kim was there to share it. I didn't go into the retreat expecting God to do anything specific, but I knew He would show up, and boy, did he ever!

Here are a few pics. I kept wishing I'd had our "good" camera with me!

The peak behind our cabin.

On Friday after a prayer time, God gave us a rainbow. Out of nowhere. No rain or anything.


A reminder of what fall is supposed to look like. I miss real fall. It doesn't happen here in Mississippi.

Sunrise over the Rockies.

"Official"

I went to the doctor's office yesterday for another ultrasound. We hoped to be able to see fetal circulation and thereby determine a more firm due date. Hooray! Our official date is May 26th.

Please pray for us during this time. For some reason I'm more scared this time than I was with Jadyn about possible problems. Maybe it's my age, I don't know. I'm nervous, but I also know that God is totally in control and planned all along for this pregnancy to happen. And I'm so thankful!

Anticipation

I am so excited! My friend Kim and I are going to a women's retreat in Colorado this week, and I'm counting down the hours till we get on the plane. She is picking me up at 3 AM on Thursday to catch a 6:10 AM flight from Birmingham. UGH! Maybe I will just stay up. I'm sure I'll be too wired to sleep. Then again, I've been so exhausted lately, maybe I'll go to bed at 7 PM. Who knows.

The event, called Captivating Women's Retreat, is put on by the Ransomed Heart ministry. It takes place on the side of a mountain that is 14,000 feet tall. I had to check with the doctor to see if going to a high elevation in my "condition" is ok. He said I could go, but no high ropes course or giant swing for me.

Friends who have gone on this retreat before say that all hell tends to break loose right before the event - so much so that it may seem a better idea to stay home when the time comes. And BOY has that ever been the case in our life! The day after I found out I'm pregnant, I wrecked our minivan. We're still trying to get a replacement vehicle before the clock runs out on our insurance-paid-for rental car. Then Paul got sick last night and is at the doctor right now. Stress, stress, stress. But we recognize it for what it is. It's a ploy to distract me and tempt me to stay home. So I say, "No way!"

I'm really looking forward to this event. Sure, it will be great to completely "unplug" for a while - no phones or internet for 4 days. But the prospect of a true "mountaintop" experience with God is just so appealing right now. And getting to share it with my dear friend Kim makes it even better.

I am still concerned about the high altitude. I was worried about that before we found out about the pregnancy. I'm not in the best shape as it is. I get winded far too easily here at sea level. How am I going to handle the difference in oxygen levels? And now I'm breathing for two. The doctor said to make sure I'm well hydrated because that helps prevent altitude sickness. So great - I'll be peeing even more than I already do. But if it keeps me and Teeny ok, I'll live in the bathroom. I hope the sessions are piped in on the loudspeaker.

The Answer

Two weeks ago I posted about the question everyone seems to be asking. "When are you going to have another baby?" Well, ladies and gentlemen of blogdom, I present to you the answer.



Sometime around Memorial Day.

AAAAHHHHHRRRRR!

Happy "Talk Like a Pirate" Day!

I may very well watch Pirates of the Caribbean this afternoon, in honor of the day.

The Question

There's an interesting phenomena that hits when your first child approaches the 2-year mark. You start hearing "The Question". I promise, in the past 2 weeks, it must have come up in conversation at least 10 times. It seems everyone wants to know.

"So when are you having another one?"

Frankly I'm surprised I didn't see this coming sooner. I suppose that up until this point a mother is given that "baby" grace period. But Jadyn is officially no longer a baby or even a toddler. The 2nd birthday marked her in most circles as a "preschooler". Suddenly the goings-on of my reproductive system are once again considered an appropriate topic of conversation. Even Jadyn's doctor asked about it, saying, "Hey, I'm a pediatrician. For me, it's job security!"

The first time this baby question pops up is when you've been married a few years. You're past that "newlywed" phase and it's time to get on with the business of fruitfulness and multiplication. Because this took longer for us than for most, we had to bear up under the procreation pressure (only rarely unspoken) for quite a long time.

I suppose part of me is simply amused. Why wouldn't it be my turn to have another? And look how great Jadyn turned out; wouldn't I want to grace the world with more of that cuteness? But the other part - the bigger part - is scared. I'm scared that I face another long trek of infertility. After all, it took 4 1/2 years for Jadyn, and technically we've been "open" to the possibility of pregnancy for over a year now. Then there's the whole twisted guilt trip of already having a child. "At least you have Jadyn if you never have another." True, we have Jadyn and she is more amazing that we could have dreamed. So do we dare want another child? Is it wrong to want Jadyn to be a sister?

Time is ticking. I'm 36 and Paul is on the cusp of 40. Odds are already against us. I was already feeling the pressure in myself - now it's external too.

So my answer to all those who ask? "We're working on it."

Flashback

Two years ago this was my post:
----------------

Ticking Timebomb

Now that my parents are here and have helped us with the unpacking, I'm beginning to feel like a ticking timebomb, with folks just waiting for me to go off. Every time I wince in pain, everyone jumps, even though it's from a sore hip or something non-uterus related. I keep getting phone calls along the lines of "You're not at the hospital?" to which I want to respond, "I'm talking to you, aren't I? You called me at home, didn't you?" I'm telling ya, I really hope this happens sooner rather than later now. You know what they say about a watched pot never boiling? I wonder if that's true of a pregnant woman too.

------------------
I was great with child, just finishing up moving, and watching the news about Katrina's aftermath. And I realize now that what "they" say is true. You're never really "ready".

Here we are are, 2 years later. This week has been consumed with the business of birthday party preparations. A local playground is the venue and Elmo is the chosen them. (Yes, I promise to post picture's on Jadyn's blog.)

I guess because of the anticipated celebration I have been nostalgic. Clicking through old blog postings, smiling at photos from the last 2 years, and realizing that while it hasn't always been easy, I really HAVE forgotten most of the hard parts in favor of the good times. And there have been good times aplenty. A hundred"firsts", a thousand pictures, a million smiles.

I'm a different person than I was then. In some ways more intense, in others far less so. More secure but more of a worrier than ever. Busier but too often less productive. More exhausted and more satisfied.

I love being Mommy.

The Littlest Missionary

We frequently eat at a local Chinese buffet here in town. When Jadyn started talking, I taught her the Chinese word for hello, which is ni hao. She has quickly become a favorite of the restaurant staff, and as soon as we walk in we are greeted by a crowd of smiling Chinese girls all wanting to hold and play with our tiny princess. It is seriously adorable. They've even started teaching her other words like thank you and good-bye. Quite the linguist. She even knows to only use those words with the Chinese girls - she speaks English to everyone else.

But tonight it occurred to me that all of this may become a lot more than simple cuteness. Tonight we told them about what Jadyn's name means - "God has heard, God has answered" - and our struggle to conceive and the subsequent blessing of Jadyn. The girl who understood me the best translated for her friends. In that moment I realized it was the first time we'd brought God into our conversations. Hopefully this is just the first of many times that Jadyn will help bring the Gospel to people of another culture.

She also likes the fried rice.

Three Little Words

I was away from Thursday to Sunday helping with a sort of youth retreat over the weekend. I returned fulfilled yet exhausted. Being with 36 teenage girls for 72 hours can be a lot of fun and rather draining, all at the same time.

I came home after not seeing Jadyn for 3 1/2 days and I was SO ready to see her; I was greeted by laughter and squeals of delight. After hugs and kisses, I said, "I love you." To my glad surprise, she looked at me and for the first time in her life said, "I wuv yoo!" Through tears I picked her up and held her close.

What a welcome home.

Blogger's Block

Ok, so something on Tommy's site finally inspired me to post something.

The Rules:

1. Players start with 8 random facts about themselves.
2. Those who are tagged should post these rules and their 8 random facts.
3. Players should tag 8 other people and notify them they have been tagged.

*Modification. If you're reading this, consider yourself tagged.

1. I can count to 10 in 6 languages, counting sign language.

2. I turned 21 years old in a farmer's field in Austria.

3. I almost never drink hot caffeinated beverages. Except maybe hot chocolate. Tea or coffee very rarely.

4. I am fairly particular about the order in which my groceries get put on the belt. Comes from having been a bagger in a grocery store when I was a teenager.

5. If I'm not at least 20 minutes early for a movie, I feel like I'm late.

6. I don't believe in whipped cream. Not enough flavor for the caloric impact, in my opinion.

7. I prefer sci-fi to chick flicks.

8. The combination of chocolate and peanut butter is like nectar of the gods.

Sssshhhhh.

A quote from "The King and I":

"When one does not know what to say, it is a time to be silent."

Hm. Perhaps this explains my lack of blogging...

Playing Tag

I don't want to tag someone and put them on the spot, but these things are kinda fun. I got this from Jemmers. Answer with only one word.

1. Where is your cell phone? purse

2. Relationship? married

3. Your hair? striped

4. Work? half

5. Your sister? non-existant

6. Your favorite thing? chocolate

7. Your dream last night? stressful

8. Your favorite drink? slushies

9. Your dream car? infiniti

10. The room you're in? den

11. Your shoes? off

12. Your fears? inadequacy

13. What do you want to be in 10 years? singer

14. Who did you hang out with this weekend? "guys"

15. What are you not good at? math

16. Muffin? carbs!

17. One of your wish list items? cruise

18. Where you grew up? Pennsylvania

19. Last thing you did? typed

20. What are you wearing? pjs

21. What aren't you wearing? unmentionables

22. Your pet? dog

23. Your computer? laptop

24. Your life? transition

25. Your mood? anxious

26. Missing? space

27. What are you thinking about right now? Jadyn

28. Your car? minivan

29. Your kitchen? clean!

30. Your summer? humid

31. Your favorite color? peach

32. Last time you laughed? yesterday

33. Last time you cried? May

34. School? maybe

35. Love? always

One Short Year

A year ago today our dear friends Chris & Leah and their two children (Miller and Mallory) were killed in a horrible car accident. This week Paul and I went to hear Chris's (and Paul's) favorite band in concert - Rush. While we were there rockig out, I kept thinking, "I wonder what Chris would think..."

Lord, please hug them for me and let them know that I miss them.